Hi. 
Welcome to my happy hippie misadventures of self discovery in artistry, marriage and motherhood merrily carrying the baggage of mental health and an autoimmune disease. I promise to keep things interesting and almost always look damn good while doing it. BTW my baby ruins lives and you'll hate me for my husband. 
Namaste.
luv/Te' 

First Day Back at Work - Nov. 28th, 2016

First Day Back at Work - Nov. 28th, 2016

Rowan's first laugh broke through the sound waves today. 

Nic and I were laughing so hard we were both crying. 

Well...I was just crying. It was over this stupid video song Nic keeps repeating at this point I'm sure only to annoy me but when it made that little boy burst into uncontrolled laughed it became my favorite video possibly ever. The eve of his 13 week birthday but Nic said I'm not allowed to count weeks anymore; just months and half months. Men just don't get it...

Today was my first day back at work and the. struggle. was. real. 

He's not impressed with the desk vision over Netflix and story time either...our first day back at work after 12 weeks maternity leave. 

He's not impressed with the desk vision over Netflix and story time either...our first day back at work after 12 weeks maternity leave. 

It's almost like I forgot how to run my business. Definitely out of practice on being my own boss. I had no idea what the hell I was doing all day. I sat down at my desk all official like but then opened Facebook to aimlessly stare. Wrote a very short brain dump and then less than 5 minutes after the whole thing  began Ro woke up. So I took care of him and put him on my lap to write a little bit which he was actually content with. Then he got hungry. And tired. So I tried to do some things while he was in the bouncer but then everything was just colored with frustration. 

Frustration that I wasn't able to focus long enough to figure out what my job even is and frustration at Ro wanting attention. Then he was frustrated because his chair stopped bouncing and he just wanted to be held and pet and loved on. 

Day1 back at work was hard. By the time he took a long lap I was burnt out. So done I just stared some more but then went to lay in the dark staring at the wall in bed. Somehow in the midst of it all I somehow easily connected and sold a challenge pack to a woman who'd been asking to get started drinking Shakeology so she had something healthy during her busy full time server life. We'd talked about it for a few weeks but I hadn't gotten her any info to get her until today and she ordered. I got to help her feel better and it was enough to pay my gas bill for next month. 

Not bad for my first day back. I also paid all of our bills including the final baby birthing expense. Now it's just getting out of living paycheck to paycheck. Two of the bills went on our credit card so that we didn't fall behind in anything. I am going to get all our monthly expenses put on auto pay. That is my first big goal. Not having to worry on the due date of our cell phone bill and it just being paid instead of discussed when we can pay it. 

Edit that- making enough to pay all our regular monthly expenses in the month of December is th first big goal. $750. That's utilities, internet, and cell phone along with my student loan and pet insurance which I'm already taking care of. I'm currently making an average of $150 which isn't bad considering I haven't worked fully committed or consistently in almost 2 years. Oh yeah...and my eyelash extensions if I'm going to get to keep them in budget so we'll shoot for an even $800.

Best part, now that I know that number I just need to break it down into people I need to help and I don't have to worry about the making money of it; it will just come to me. It's been hard to want to come back to Coaching. I wanted so badly for this, Beachbody Coaching, to just be my end-all answer. Be like Lindsay Matway or Amy Silverman that Beachbody is just my calling, the thing I am meant to be doing. It's not my passion but I am passionate about it.

The ultimate goal is to create and teach my own full courses. To build a Coaching brand of my own external from Beachbody. For my blog to find massive success and Nic to leave his job so we can pursue creative expression via writing, video and teaching together full time. The goal is to have the time and energy to focus on writing our script so we can get our story made into a Netflix series. I want to travel for speaking events and take my entire family on my book tour with me. I want a goddamn empire. 

But first, I need to figure out how to consistently and systematically run a business. How to manage my time and myself to do it without having to sacrifice my time with my family in the process. I want the best of both worlds and it is more than possible. So for now, I focus on the perfect job to help me achieve all of it. I'm creating a financial foundation beneath myself that will eventually run essentially on it's own with my few hours a week maintaining it so I have the freedom to do other things. More importantly, I have a model for how to become successful and once I figure out how to make entrepreneurship work for me in this format, I can apply the skill to anything. 

So in summary, I don't want to go back to work. Reality is that it's not an option. We've reached a point where I have to work. I can either give in the easy way...go get a job for a bi-weekly paycheck where someone else handles the stress and Rowan is dropped off at day care or I can make other sacrifices to have the things I actually want out of life. 

Legitimately LOLing over here because I sound like one of those cheesy motivational posters. It's all real though. I've done this before. This life I have right now I built from scratch. Instead of sleeping in with baby boy, I'll be getting up with the sun to write. Instead of taking afternoon nap time with him, I'll be answering messages. Instead of someone else raising my baby, I'll be working hard just a room away to ensure not only will I ever have to leave for work but eventually Nic won't either. 

Bring it on Day2. I'm ready for you. 

Three hours of Sleep and Trying to Be my Own Boss - Dec. 2nd, 2016

Epsom Salt Thoughts - Nov. 26th, 2016