Hi. 
Welcome to my happy hippie misadventures of self discovery in artistry, marriage and motherhood merrily carrying the baggage of mental health and an autoimmune disease. I promise to keep things interesting and almost always look damn good while doing it. BTW my baby ruins lives and you'll hate me for my husband. 
Namaste.
luv/Te' 

Day3 The Witching Hour - 3:27am Thoughts

Day3 The Witching Hour - 3:27am Thoughts

Nov 2rd/Day3 of writing/Day10 of SelfDiscoveryJourney
So here I am all attached to the pump and writing for only the time it will take to empty my milk jugs before crawling back into bed. It’s very hard to type around the awkward tubes while making sure I’m leaned forward enough for milk to flow down instead of pouring back and somehow have my back supported at the same time. Also, I am naked obviously. I farted and it smells like moldy laundry so…that too. I’d take a photo but alas, dairy cow is hooked to the wall so can’t retrieve a phone to selfie. 

Speaking of selfie, my birthday is in 9 days and if anyone wants to get me a gift I’m really lusting after the light up front phone case that makes sure you’re pretty all the time. Moving on...

Let’s see…my day today, well since it’s nearly 4am, technically, yesterday…what the fuck ever…the 3rd, that day I haven’t blogged about yet. 

I pushed my Tuesday workout off again until the very end so went to bed in order to be up early and conquer. Success! Ro was up around 5ish, Nic changed and played while I pumped and then he went back to bed while I fed; the usual routine. Ro was up playing for a while and I am making a point to be more present with him in the mornings especially. I leave my phone in the bedroom so I’m not tempted to tired zone out on social media and just talk to him. He’s usually the happiest in the early morning which is when I am not. I’m letting him teach me lessons. 

I cuddle and rocked him back to bed then wrote my 3 pages. It’s an assignment from The Artist’s Way, another book I never even came close to finishing but will eventually. You stream of concsnousntess write 3 pages a day and do nothing with them. It’s what I’ve been using my journal for which is a a majestic new white parchment looking one inscribed with Ghandi’s words. I put my preworkout/hydrate in the living room to drink after nursing but it still took me until about 7:40 to press play. I wasn’t feeling it at all and Ro kept crying in his rock n play to distract me which instead of getting angry and immediately picking him up I just high kneed in and put his pacifier back in his face, rubbed his little cheek a bit then he was back to sleep. 

At one point I paused to put the Moby on in case he woke up before I was done I could just finish. He slept all the way through except 3 minutes and I just put him in the bathroom until I was done. He loves his bathroom. Its weird. From there life was uneventful. More eating and when he crashed so did I on the couch next to him while he laid on his side. 9:30-12 I got a nap with only minor interruptions from his annoying grunts and adorable little squeaks. 

I got a new bag of Vegan chocolate Shakeo today which was sad since I expected Cafe Latte. That for lunch, got dressed and headed to Mom’s to help her go through clothes to sell. I’m doing a clothing sell by the way. Even letting shoes go which is a big deal. It just all feels meh and I want new so I must create gratuitous space! The Universe took me to the bank where I got my over draft protection figured out and a bunch of overdrawn fees waived. Turns out not working and all my auto withdrawals aren’t necessarily friends. More than that we need to get on the budget thing we’ve been discussing for nearly a year. I’m oddly unfazed by it all. Choosing to just trust and let things happen. I’ll be back to working in December and in the mean time got a pay check enough to cover our utilities today without putting in hours for over a month. My mantra has been I have more than enough for all that I need and everything is taken care of. 

As I write that now I want to make an adjustment….I have more than enough for all that I desire and all is taken care of. Yes, that opens up a whole new level of support i’m sure. 

It was fun playing with Mom and going through clothes. I’ll give it to her, the woman has some killer style. I should have taken a photo. I am going to share my reality show more. That’s a big part of who I am and why I love what I do….

Left around 6:45 and by the time I got home wasn’t even interested in going to yoga or meditation class like I’ve been doing on Wednesday nights. Meal prepped a chicken chili crock pot bag and made a giant salad. I was so done with baby though. Handed him off and basically refused to take him back from Nic who wasn’t complaining. Watching New Girl season 5 finale and cried like a douche. Do it. It’s precious. Oh…and I’m going to Boise today! Morgan Construction has a meeting and is taking the plane so we’re hitching a ride! I’m nervous and almost backed out because it’s guaranteed to make me feel shitty but I want to go home and have been manifesting this hard. 

Welp. There it is….my day. You’re welcome Nicole! Is anyone else reading these? Maybe I should do more fun things….

like clean my house. Kidding. But really….how does a kitchen get so dirty so fast?! I’m going to hire child labor for my dishes. First priority when I’m back to working. 

3 Things…

1- Playing all afternoon with Mom in such ease. Things have been so tense and weird between us for so long but this day was easy and we laughed simply. She’s what makes here feel like home. 
2- Getting a random midweek gypsy adventure. Seriously so excited for the feeling of random happenings and a whole day with Gracee. 
3- Nic who was annoyed and as tired as I but took care of Ro anyway. And got me ice water next to my bed and said lots of nice things to me when I demanded it. I’m almost certain he got up with Ro again since I woke in a panic thinking the baby was in the bed and suffocating. I tugged at his blankets and pushed him around asking where he was before realizing I was nuts. 

Damn my life is so good. I need to eat more food. Oh…my challenge I participating in with Nina started and I shared some of my story it taking me 3 years to find self love. I will share it here too because it’s so important. Love you much darlings. Back to bed! 4:02am

Day10- workout killed it after I put my I love Myself playlist on. Thanks Katy Perry. 
Writing- well...kinda done in the middle of the night? Im counting it. 
Meditation- I was zen as fuck today. 10 minutes on my mat and listened to my recorded voice memo about receiving several times. Then did it again in bed in the afternoon connecting into vibes. Ahhh yah! 

 

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