Welcome to my happy hippie misadventures of self discovery in artistry, marriage and motherhood merrily carrying the baggage of mental health and an autoimmune disease. I promise to keep things interesting and almost always look damn good while doing it. BTW my baby ruins lives and you'll hate me for my husband. 

Three hours of Sleep and Trying to Be my Own Boss - Dec. 2nd, 2016

I've had roughly 3 hours of sleep and it's still dark outside but the fire is roaring to my left and hot tea steeping to my right. My baby is asleep in my bed nestled next to Nic with an empty space on the other side because I am out here at my desk in my Slytherin robe rather than in there drooling. 

Good job girl. Pretty damn proud of myself/hate myself for it all at once. Kidding. Kinda. 

I feel so much better when I'm writing everyday but it's so hard to make the time with Rowan around all day. He turned three months two days ago and I have yet to find the energy to move things around for his monthly photo. The monthly photo we missed on his two month milestone. Being a pinterest mom is hard. I am getting the hang of this though. Its only my first week back at work and I have made it a priority to sit down each day to at least pretend I know what I'm doing. 

I keep reminding myself that when I started my business three years ago I actually had no idea what I was doing but made it work then so now it's just getting myself back in the groove. Also, we need to be turning down our heat situation at night...there is a lot coming out of that fireplace for people to be snuggled in beds. There's a money saver right there. 

Last night Nic showed me this amazing site Jewel (yes, the singer) put together called NeverBroken. It's basically a free challenge group for coping and managing anxiety. It's amazing. That lead him to seek out a TedTalk by the psychiatrist she's teamed up with named Judson

I have been having a hard time focusing on actual business building work versus just playing around on social media but each time I will myself to get on track get stuck staring. His talk spoke about getting curious instead of your experience. What happens as a result is you notice the poor feelings from your disliked behavior then it helps to rewire your brain for a more satisfying response.

That is how I ended up out here writing versus staying in bed despite being so tired. I laid there for a moment knowing that this was a guaranteed time to write uninterrupted and not sure if I would get another chance today. Rowan has been grumping from the moon phases and he is on the starting end of teething. I get why moms just want to keep them little now...he's so much easier when he's just tiny and cute and sleeps and cuddles and eats. He's more fun now though. I want to do an update post specifically on him. 

Okay, other things I know make me feel better but I am having a hard time making time for. otice the phrase 'making time' versus finding it...we all have the time it's just prioritizing it. 

  • Eating clean, whole foods. Specifically green ones. This is the biggest thing right now. I have to, want to, get on a dedicated anti-inflammatory diet to help with my pain and fogginess. I can't feel like this day in and day out anymore. It's too much. 
  • Being active everyday. I want to put 'workout' there but I'm not at that level yet which is so damn hard from being an athlete to here. 
  • Writing everyday. Go me...I'm doing it! 
  • Meditation everyday. That's the main one my new Dr gave me outside of the AI Diet. 
  • Working with a clear plan and concise goals. 

    I can make all that happen. But now I am going to make sleep happen because I'll regret it otherwise. My tea is done. 

Day1 Sunday - from dying to fighting.

First Day Back at Work - Nov. 28th, 2016

First Day Back at Work - Nov. 28th, 2016