May 23rd, 2017 in bed showing up then readIng.
I cried the entire way through Pilates today. It was a group class and just stuck energy that needed out of me. We were doing an exercise that moved into my hips on a new way and by the end of the first set my ears had filled with tears.
The three other women in class seemed sad to see it but I was just letting myself be in it regardless. I used to hold back from my own experience for fear of causing discomfort to others but I don't do that bullshit anymore. I haven't for years at this point. The liberation is life changing.
Its amazing how often I lay in bed and think of how I can help my team to succeed. Random tangent but thought it was worth mentioning.
After that I spent the entirety of my day playing with my babe and executing an amazing 2 hour nap on the couch.
What I learned today- crying with stranger people you won't only see again but also who are aware of you on a closer level like your family and shit is weird. When I was a traveling disconnected gypsy being all in on my experiencing was so much easier. Being home is weird. Interesting. I appreciate all the benefits but I'm still not sure if I like it. Wonder how long it will take me to get over this 'living back in my hometown=failure' belief thing. I want to be here. I was the one who chose to move back here. Now I get to do the work on accepting and releasing any blocks on what that feels like for my psyche. Moving through things that no longer serve me.
Also, fuck back pain.
Namaste. ✌🏼 Shanté
ps- day2 of writing feels easy. I start a round of 3week yoga retreat tomorrow. All the way for Nic to join me.