December 13th, 2017
11:11pm. NewBerg, OR. Grandpa’s house.
In the bathtub.
Bon Iver on Pandora. Landing back in my body. I’ve been falling.
Today, the Universe caught me.
It was exactly 3 months ago today I wake up knowing it was time to leave. The house, my magic carpet, broke up with me.
Now, I live in Portland.
Tonight was the first time I looked down at my 28weeksday gestated baby and felt nothing but happy.
Not fear or overwhelm or anger...
Who he is...
What he looks like...
who he’ll be...
why he picked me.
My my app says he’s the size of an eggplant. Approximately 2.5 lbs.
it feels like he takes up all of me.
Did you know elephants gestate for 22months. That’s two fucking years.
The creature they birth is 600lbs.
I know it’s all relative but holy shit, if those mamas can do that...I can do anything. A mother’s spirit is an incredible energy.
This bath feels tiny. In two days I’ll have a giant one. The first snowfall I am going to drop EVERYTHING and run a bubble bath with my BoatBaby. To watch the magic fall from the sky and breathe in my baby. Soon, there will be two of them. Four of us.
Im ready baby.
I do hard things.
I’m here waiting.
Second star to the right and
straight on ‘til morning.