Blue Blood Full Eclipsed Super Moon.
Once every 150 years. Not since 1866 has this happened.
What was happening then? I'll have to look into it.
I am a different person today than I was before I woke up and I've been asking myself
who do I want to be today?
Everything I was, all the baggage, patterns and bullshit, has suddenly shifted.
I've burned the old boxes of shit I'm obviously not needing.
They no longer serve me.
So who have I decided I want to be?
How can I meet her with grace and knowing from where she came?
I am, we are, 34 weeks and 5 days.
It feels like this baby just fully arrived.
My thunder and lightning.
I let him out of his jar yesterday.
You aren't meant to carry such energy contained.
The space its opened in me is liberation.
My entire life I've felt my skin is too tight and now, when
I'm literally pulling apart at the seams,
I feel free.
I slept most of the day. I was at the beginning phases of labor yesterday but was able to bring us back from committing. I know it wasn't a false thing because of the high I came down from. After getting out of the bath I felt like I was crashing off of molly. The euphoria was gone, my skin was no longer tingling, in comparison to the heightened emotions I felt nothing. My reality looked a little flatter and I was grasping at sensations that had already left me.
So today; I laid in bed. Waking every hour or so to flip and wince because of my hips settling. The relaxin is rising progressively. I've taped my knees and the stability was instead. Until Rowan pulled one of them off me while I was sleeping so now I'm lopsided. Thanks kid.
Tonight we talked and my mom is going to come take Rowan home for a while. At least a week but basically until we get closer in knowing baby is coming. I'd been planning indefinitely on having him present for the birth. I'm initial reaction is completely resisting. This isn't about me. I know that best place for him right now is there, with full attention, adventures and getting a break from bed rest crazy hormonal mommy.
I don't mean that....I'm a good mom. I know that without a doubt. I'm so fucking tired and right now my job is to focus all I can on his brother. Getting him here safely. Connecting with him. Feeling aligned, prepared and healthy. Stable. Let's ask for knowing in stability more than anything.
And I will get space to just be me.
How I miss the peace of so much time solitary.
How can I create the feeling of personal space and connection in my life circumstances now?
I don't know. I'm open for downloads.
This moon for me was all about surrendering. The energy was, still is for the next couple days, about major releasing. Let go or be dragged is the theme.
The whole day I spent focused on how a whale feels moving with the waves.
A fish doesn't know that it's wet.
I choose to live consciously.