A load that feels too heavy.
Like it’s too much responsibility.
How can I be what’s needed of me?
We reached 35weeks and 1day this morning
as Rowan crawled up the bed towards me I was overwhelmed with loving while simotaniously tears sprung to my eyes, pain releasing unsettling Body
this new boy of mine moves so significantly. Rolling sides of me depending on which way I lay. He was posterior twice today resulting in excruciating back pain.
I wanted to give up on everything. The plans we’ve made, our perfect team coming, a birth space all ready. i was okay with going into the hospital and doing whatever needed to happen if we could just make it stop.
I went to get in the shower and do the usual when I’m struggling which is turn on my Plot Twist playlist which tears me open, cry and let it all come flowing. This time that it’s what I needed.
I am at the summit of Everest. I decided to do this and I’m following through to the end. Today is not a day for giving into anything. It’s a day to keep fighting.
I turned in The Greatest Show soundtrack instead. Asked Nic to hold me and told him how I felt. He reminded me I don’t know how strong I am until the other side of things. That I was born for mountain climbing.
The greatest sacrifice a woman can make in pregnancy is allowing the space and patience for baby to decide when they’re ready.
Im ready to be done with everything in me but my boy is asking for more cooking.
Motherhood is everything.